If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
