There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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