I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize