i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
