the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
