I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
