If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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