I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
