You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
