Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
