I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
