I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
