Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
