Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
