remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Found your dick twin last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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