and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize