as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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