I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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