Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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