Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
