It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
