I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
