Swine flu. Run for my life!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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