I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think i peed on brittanys purse
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
