This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
