I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
