i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
