Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
