Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
