bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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