Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
