you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
