Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
