Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
