i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
