I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
