I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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