I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
