my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My dick has a subreddit
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize