shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
