My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
