Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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