so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
