Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
