Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
