you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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