his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
