I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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