you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
