Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
