help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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