my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
