My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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