Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
