You can't special order awesome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My life is pants optional.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
