Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He felt like a one man threesome
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
