We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
